A Son Family Christmas
by Chibi Trieze
Summary: HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY SEASON!
1. Default Chapter

This is my first Christmas fanfic, and I decided it would probably be better in DBZ than in   
  
any other anime. On the other hand, expect to see cameos from many other animes, but I'm not   
  
telling which ones. By the way, this fanfic has no placement in any timeline, so expect to   
  
see anything. I have gotten positive reviews so far, except from one person, so I feel as   
  
though I could tackle this job. I'm still very much the beginner, so don't flame me, but   
  
offer intelligent comments.   
  
OK?  
  
The usual disclaimers apply, I don't own Funimation, any Dragonball series, or any other   
  
animes that may pop up throuout all of this, so please, don't sue. I don't have much you   
  
could win, anyway. Only an old 'animerica' and this computer terminal.  
  
=============================================================================================  
  
The time: 3:30 in the afternoon/ The place: Son Goku residence/ The day: December 24   
  
"GOKU, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!!!"  
  
"But Chichi, I was hungry. There was food, right there!"  
  
"Those trufles for Bulma and Vegita when they get here! Also, the Dorlins are coming over. So   
  
are the Maxwells, the Changs, the Bartons, and the Winners."  
  
"Oh, ok...those sure did taste good though."  
  
"Goku, were did Gohan go to?"  
  
"He went to find Piccolo and bring him here. He told me, 'Dad, don't tell mom, but I'm going   
  
to find Piccolo and bring him here.' Oh, wait, I don't think I was supposed to tell you.   
  
Damn! I thought I was supposed to be good at keeping secrets."  
  
(Chibi Trieze: YOU CAN THINK?!  
  
Goku, who is now offended: Of course I can think. I'm a Harvard Graduate.  
  
Chibi Trieze, under his breath: Yeah, Harvard Pre-school.)  
  
"Alright then, where is Goten? Whenever the Dorlins come over, Herro Jr. is always clean and   
  
polite, the exact opposite of Goten. Honestly, I think he gets it from you."  
  
"Chichi, why would you think that?" At this point Goku farts, picks his nose and eats it.  
  
"Hmm, I don't know."  
  
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"Mr. Piccolo, where are you?" Gohan screams at the top of his lungs. Unknowingly to Gohan,   
  
Piccolo is right above him, ready to strike.  
  
("WAIT A SEC! STOP THE FIC!"  
  
Chibi Trieze: Gohan, come over here.  
  
Gohan: Yeah, what is it?  
  
Chibi Trieze: Piccolo is hovering right above you, ready to strike. He thinks your getting   
  
soft. I want you to dodge the ki blast he throws and throw a Masenko at him. Ok?   
  
Gohan: Right.)  
  
"Special Beam Cannon FIRE!"  
  
Gohan dodges and says, "Missed me Piccolo! You must be getting soft! HAHAHAHA! Take this!   
  
Masenko-ha!"  
  
"Oh, shit."  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!  
  
Piccolo falls to the ground, his clothing tattered. "Ouch. GOHAN, how did you sense me?!"   
  
Piccolo had a murderous glint in his eye.  
  
"That's my secret. But, I'll tell you if you come to my family's Christmas dinner."  
  
"I hate going to those things, and you know it. But, I'll go just to figure out how you   
  
knew."  
  
(Chibi Trieze: Heh,heh,heh.)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"NO, I'M NOT GOING AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!!"  
  
"VEGETA, YOUR GOING AND THAT'S FINAL!"  
  
"Dad, I don't want to have to do this, actually I've wanted to do this for quite a while,   
  
so..."  
  
"Good job Trunks. I had no idea kicking Vegeta in the nuts could knock him unconciese. I'll   
  
have to memorize that one. Bra, lets go."  
  
"NO, I'M NOT GOING AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!!"  
  
"Damn."  
  
(Chibi Trieze: Perhaps I could be of some assistance. I just wave my magic sword, and say,   
  
iggledy, piggledi, pooo! Bra is now snoring.)  
  
"Thank you Chibi Trieze!"  
  
(Chibi Trieze: Don't mention it.)  
  
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"Relena, are you ready to go yet?"  
  
"Hold on, just let me put my make-up on."  
  
"Relena, every time you put make-up on, you look exactly the same. Don't put on make-up. You   
  
look beautiful, just the same."  
  
"Aww, your such a sweet talker, Heero."  
  
"Hnn...Herro Jr., are you ready to go yet?"  
  
"Googoogaagaa!"  
  
"You see, he's ready to go, and he's just a baby!"  
  
"ALRIGHT, I'M Ready! Jeez! By the way, were picking up the Maxwells."  
  
"NO! I will NOT tolerate that baka Duo saying any more bakalike things around my son! He   
  
might turn out like Duo!"  
  
"C'mon Heero, you know he won't turn out like Duo."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"Heero Yuy, if you don't stop your bitching this instant, you sleep on the couch! Got It?!"  
  
Meekly, "Yes, ma'am."  
  
"Okay, then, let's go."  
  
(Chibi Trieze: Wow, Heero, she's got you whipped!   
  
Chibi Lady Une: Trieze!!! Where are you?  
  
Chibi Trieze: Coming, master...)  
  
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The time: 6:00 in the afternoon/ The place: Son Goku residence/ The day: December 24   
  
"Goku, where did you go?"  
  
"Well, Chichi, I went to get a tree. I got the biggest one I could find, in this place called   
  
New York, or something."   
  
Chichi had turned deathly pale. "G-Goku, this tree wouldn't happen to be the Rockafeller   
  
center tree, would it?"  
  
"That's what the big sign in lights said."  
  
"Goku, lets go inside for right now, ok?"  
  
"Ok. When will the guests get here?"  
  
"Oh my God!! I forgot all about them! I've got to get the chestnuts and egg nog ready!"  
  
In a rare moment of clarity, Goku asked, "Chichi, are you sure we should have egg nog? Don't   
  
you remember the last time we had egg nog?"  
  
Flashback to last Christmas...  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Piccolo is swinging on the Chandeleers and playing 'ki blast tag' with Gohan. Piccolo is it.   
  
"HA! Run faster Gohan! I'm gonna get y-urk!"   
  
Chichi has hit him in the head with her super no-stick fry pan.  
  
"Gee, thanks Mom!"   
  
"Goku, get over here!"  
  
Goku isn't drunk right now because he doesn't like eggnog. He has, however, eaten   
  
four-hundred pounds worth of cheesy-poofs.  
  
"Chichi, do we have anymore cheesy-poofs?"  
  
"Dammit, for the last time, NO!"  
  
"Oh, ok."  
  
Chichi, in her sweetest voice says, "Goku, if you go make our guests go away, I'll make you   
  
another four-hundred pounds of cheesy-poofs, k?"  
  
"Alright! I'll do it!! Yippeee!"  
  
Chichi: "Vegeta, you'll have to leave."  
  
"Why should I, woman?!"  
  
"Because Goku is standing right behind you, with a ki blast aimed at you."  
  
"oh...Bulma, time to leave."  
  
Bulma, hiccuping, says, "Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Chichi then said, "I'll deal with Piccolo. Oh, Piccolo, come closer."  
  
"Yes, Chichi?"  
  
BAMMMMMMM!!!  
  
There went Piccolo.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
...end of flashback.  
  
"Wow Goku, you are getting smarter."  
  
"Yes I am."  
  
DING DONG!  
  
"Oh no, the doorbell! Who's here?"  
  
Goku, walking to the door, says, "I don't know. Let's see."  
  
Goku opens the door and sees none other than Piccolo, being restrained by Gohan.  
  
"DAD, help me! Piccolo's having another flashback to last Christmas!  
  
"NO! FRYING PANS, EVERYWHERE!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Calm down, Piccolo! No one's gonna hit you with a frying pan."  
  
"How do you know? Your mom is standing right there, holding one."  
  
Indeed she was, in fact the same one she hit him with last time. It still had the   
  
namek-shaped dent in it.  
  
"Piccolo, you have nothing to fear. You're not getting drunk this Christmas. Chichi didn't make   
any eggnog."  
  
Gohan makes the puppy-dog eyes at Piccolo.  
  
"Aww, God damn it, fine! But I'm not going to have a merry Christmas."   
  
"Hooray!"  
  
Goku: "Piccolo, you can help us greet guests. Won't that be fun?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The Yuy's were driving down the road, talking.  
  
"Heero, why is it that you hate Duo so much?"  
  
"Well, it's sort of hard to recall, but back when I was in toddler care, Duo was also there."  
  
Flashback...  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"Heewo, I'm gonna get you!"  
  
We see little Heero and Duo as they were in the day care center, run by Howard.  
  
"No, Duo, don't hurt meeeeeeee!"  
  
"But I'm Shinigami, the God of death, or something like that!"  
  
At this point, Duo starts beating Heero with a rubber chicken.  
  
"Duo, stop! That hurts!"  
  
"I AM SHINIGAMI! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
At this point Heero said, "He may have beaten me with a rubber chicken, but the next day, I got even with him."  
  
"How?"  
  
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DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW?  
DO YOU CARE?  
  
IT DOESN't MATTER! JUST REVIEW IT AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!  
  
NO FLAMING!!!!!! 


	2. A Son Family Christmas - Chapter 2

This is the second chapter in my Christmas 'fic. The first one did moderatly well, so I guess   
  
a second one couldn't hurt. Flamers, I will only accept constructive critism.  
  
The usual disclaimers apply...  
  
In the last chapter...  
  
Goku stole the Rockafeller center tree...  
  
Vegeta got kicked in the nuts...  
  
Heero got chewed out and told of part of his toddler years with Shinigami (Duo)...  
  
We found out what accualy happened last Christmas and why Chichi has that Namek-shaped dent   
  
in her frying pan.  
  
(Chibi Trieze: This is going to be fun. Hello viewers!)  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Last chapter left off with Heero telling his wife, Relena, how Duo beat him with a rubber   
  
chicken when they were toddlers.  
  
"So Heero, how did you get even with him?"  
  
"Well, the next day, Duo was at the daycare center. Duo began to advance toward me with that   
  
damned rubber chicken. I had seen this coming. What I did was I covered my body in invisible   
  
rubber (don't ask me how, except that it was extremely painful. I still have rubber burns).   
  
When that baka yaro Duo hit me with that thing, it bounced off me and hit him. While it did   
  
this, I got him in the 'Walls of Jericho' (for those of you not familiar, it's wrestling).   
  
That little pansy was crying for a week."  
  
"Heero, that was a very funny thing to do, but...also very stupid."  
  
"Hey, I was three. And besides that, he deserved it."  
  
"I hope Heero Jr. doesn't learn that kind of behavior from you."  
  
"Don't worry, I've never killed in front of him before."  
  
"Hmmmmm..."  
  
"Hey, were almost at the Wufei's place."  
  
"Yeah, let's make sure we seperate Wufei and Duo. We still haven't gotten the katana out of   
  
the roof of the car."  
  
Heero and Relena pull up to the Chang residence. They see a strangly dressed man walking   
  
toward them. On closer inspection, we see it's Ryoga.  
  
"Excuse me, but do you know the way to Japan?"  
  
"You must be lost. Japan is 1500 kilometers the opposite way."  
  
"GOD DAMN IT! I'M LATE FOR A DATE WITH AKENE!"  
  
"Well, you'd better get going."  
  
We see Ryoga running Project A-ko style toward Japan. He has already destroyed three   
  
buildings.  
  
"What a strange man."  
  
Wufei walks out. "Hello Heero, Relena. I'm ready to go, but the onna is still getting   
  
dressed."  
  
At this point Relena pipes up, saying, "Wufei, you'd better clam up, before Sally hears you.   
  
She still has that mallet, you know."  
  
"Yes, I remember."  
  
At this point, Sally walks out. She is wearing her normal clothes.  
  
"Shall we leave?" asked Heero.  
  
Sally said, "Heero, wait just one second."  
  
She runs into the house, looks around, and then finds what she was looking for: her mallet.   
  
She sticks it in her purse (don't ask me how, I don't know) and hurries out the door. The two   
  
couples leave.  
  
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Meanwhile, back at the Son Residence...  
  
"GOKU, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST GET-UP EVER!"  
  
Piccolo was in a santa costume. Goku was dressed up as Kami.  
  
"Aww, c'mon Piccolo! We all drew straws, and this is making Gohan happy."  
  
"Yeah, but Chichi is laughing at me."  
  
"Hey, at least King Kai isn't coming over. Can you imagine his laughter?"  
  
At this Piccolo cracks a smile. He could imagine that blue lard-ball laughing at his being in   
  
a santa costume.   
  
"Well, at least I didn't have to dress up as Kami, that weak-ass."  
  
(The part of Piccolo that IS Kami answered, "Hey Piccolo, you know what? You suck! You suck!")  
  
Goku answers, "Hey man, I spent a long time training with that guy. This is a sign of   
  
respect. At least we didn't have to dress up like Mr. Popo, like Gohan."  
  
Gohan walks out of the bathroom dressed in black paint and a vest, plus the turban.  
  
Piccolo and Goku are barely keeping from laughing.  
  
"Nice costume, Gohan. :snicker:"  
  
"Yeah, nice turban."  
  
At seeing their suppresed snickers, Gohan says, "Yeah, yeah, yuck it up."  
  
Goku and Piccolo finally release their suppresed laughter.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
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The next people the carpool visit is the Bartons.  
  
"So, who wants to go get them?"  
  
Both Heero and Wufei, "I will."  
  
"Alright, you both go."  
  
As they are walking toward the house, Wufei asks Heero, "So, you have a baby now, huh?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
In a slightly mocking tone, Wufei asks, "Are you gonna make him the perfect soldier?"  
  
In an uncharacteristic whining tone, Heero replies, "NO! RELENA WON'T LET ME! SHE SAYS THAT   
  
HE WILL GROW UP VIOLENT!"  
  
Wufei slaps Heero. "Snap out of it, onna!"  
  
He returns to his machine-like state. "Thank you, Wufei."  
  
They get to the door and ring the bell. 'Send in the clowns' plays. Trowa comes to the door.   
  
"Oh, hey guys. I'll go get Catherine." he said in his usual, monotone voice. And then, for a   
  
change of pace, he screams out, "CATHERINE, GET OVER HERE! THE CARPOOL HAS ARRIVED!"  
  
Wufei's and Heero's eyes get really wide, really fast.  
  
Two minutes later, Catherine comes out in a sundress with daises on it.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
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"Chichi, c'mon out of the bathroom so we can see your costume."  
  
"Okay Goku! Tell me how it looks!"  
  
Chichi walks out in her costume. She is dressed up as Sailor Mars. Immediatly Piccolo goes   
  
into a fit of laughter.  
  
"You look nothing like Sailor Mars! You are so retarded! HAHAHA-urk!"  
  
Goku has just hit Piccolo in the head with Chichi's frypan. There is another Namek-shaped dent   
  
in it.  
  
"Nobody calls my woman retarded!"  
  
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Next stop, Quatre's mansion...  
  
"Hey Trowa, you wanna go get Quatre and Dorothy?"  
  
"K."  
  
Trowa walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. 'Eyes on Me' plays. Quatre comes to the   
  
door, dressed in his normal duds. "Oh, hi Trowa! Lemme get Dorothy! She's clipping her   
  
eyebrows (big suprise)."   
  
After ten minutes Dorothy comes out in a black dress, like the one she wore to Relena's   
  
corination, in fact the exact same one.   
  
"Dorothy, are you ready to go?"  
  
"Well, are we going to Chichi's house?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
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Piccolo is just now waking up.  
  
"...wha, what happened?"   
  
Gohan, who is standing over Piccolo, is saying, "Well Piccolo, you called my mom retarded, so   
  
my dad bonked you on the head with the frying pan."  
  
"Was it the Namek-shaped fry pan?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
DING-DONG!!!!  
  
Chichi comes flying out of the kitchen, screaming, "SOMEBODY IS HERE!!!! PICCOLO, ANSWER THE   
  
DOOR!!!" Chichi throws Piccolo toward the door.  
  
"...damn PMS-ing onna! Fine, I'll answer it."  
  
Piccolo answers the door, and it's Trunks with Vegeta slumped over his shoulder. Behind them,  
  
Bulma comes in.  
  
"Hello Piccolo! It is so nice to see you again! How are you?"  
  
Piccolo grunts and answers, "Fine."  
  
"Great. Where is Chichi?"  
  
"Kitchen."  
  
Piccolo goes over to Trunks and asks him who knocked Vegeta out.  
  
"It was me, actually. I just kicked him in the nuts."  
  
"Nuts? What do you mean?"  
  
Trunks, remembering Piccolo's, ummm, imperament, says "...nothing."  
  
"SOOOOOOOOOO, should we wake him up?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
Piccolo pulls a smelling salt out of his turban and waves it in front of Veggie's nose.   
Needless to say, Vegeta gets up.  
  
"GET THAT FOUL SMELLING PIECE OF CRAP AWAY FROM ME!!!!"  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The last stop of the merry band's was at Duo's home.  
  
Among the men, "Okay, we draw straws to see who gets to pick up Duo." They all draw straws,   
and the person is...(okay, you probably guessed it by now) Heero!  
  
Heero walks up the front walk and rings the doorbell, which plays to Duo's theme on CN. Duo   
answers.   
  
"Hey Heero, hows it been? How's your kid?"  
  
"He's fine. How are you and Hilde? I noticed that you trimmed your braid."  
  
"...yeah, Hilde said that I would sleep on the couch if it got any longer, so I got it cut."  
  
"Hnn. Get Hilde, let's go."  
  
"K. HILDE, LET'S GO." Hilde walks to the door and goes with them to the car. They start   
driving toward the Son's house.  
  
Duo: Hey, I know what we can do! Let's sing '100 bottles of beer on the wall'!  
  
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
DINGDONG!  
  
"Hey, someone is here! Piccolo, answer the door!"  
  
"OKAY, WOMAN!!!"  
  
Piccolo opens the door and sees that it is...the ROCK!!! (we all here the rock's theme music   
in the background)  
  
"THE ROCK HAS COME HERE TONIGHT TO GET SOME POON-TANG PIE! WHERE IS IT?"  
  
Chichi comes out of the kitchen and sees the Rock. "Oh, hello Dwayne! How are you?"  
  
"The Rock says that he's fine, how about yourself?"  
  
"Oh, I'm okay. Are you here for your Poon-tang pie?"  
  
"YES, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK FOR HIS PIE!"  
  
"Okay, it's in the oven. Do you want to stay hre with us for Christmas?"  
  
"Yes, THE ROCK would."  
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End file.
